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August 27th, 2005

08:18 pm: viva tehas!
so. heres what up. i am in TEXAS i moved in on the 21st and had my jazz lab audition at three today. im mad sick and dehydrated. take a guess. but other than that im doing ok. school starts monday pretty excited. i dont have any non-music classes and its crazy. im only updating cause i need to kill time. im waiting for the results of my audition to be sent to me so i decided. heres where the time killage will occur. thats all i can think of to write. thats upsetting. check me again in a few months. i may have updated. oh. if you wanna write me im at P.O. box 305835 denton, tx 76203

Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: jaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzz, baby

April 17th, 2005

06:31 pm: bahdoodtbibadwadap!
so i went to atlanta to get a prom dress. i got one. its nice. you'd all really like it. i look great in it. i feel pretty good in it too.
i really want to go to school in florida
that woudl be neat
texas would only cost me like, 5,000 a year. so that might be my school.
by the way, did i mention i cut off all of my hair
i like it
thats all

Current Mood: dorkydorky
Current Music: sideshow

April 13th, 2005

07:47 am: you have to share me
guess what. I got into Berklee. Love Boston. but its mad expensive. $42,000 per year.
but!!! i also got into U. of Miami.just as good a school but its not just music. aaaaaaaaaaaand!!! i got a $22,000 voice scholarship there and i can still get academic and gut-eater scholarships. so yeah . thats whats with me
here i am
all alone
yours to take
smooth me out
calm me down
stop the ache,
dont hold out
dont hold back
hold me tight
dont object
lets connect
lets unite!
ok. sorry. bye. buy the pinstripes cd.

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: .Side show

January 17th, 2005

05:08 pm:

what is there for me?
what can there be for me to cling to?
stop this foolishness.
stop your concocting

i've mountains on my platter
yet nothing to satiate me
where everything i pile in and down
leaves me empty and bloated

do i know what i want
Father direct me
do i truly want this dream?
is it skewed

what are my dreams
what will i do
too late
where is my thrill?

i know where my thrill lies

it's being sheltered in your arms
the touch of your hand
i anticipate it will be shared when that
rough touch is smoothed.
stop it stop.
focus on the tasks that determines you

oh fail me, heart
fail me before the others can...

~linda Shaw

Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: i dance to the beat of my own drum

December 26th, 2004

05:06 pm: im full of lies today
im surely not heartbroken
nor am i longing for portugaul
im not craving the rugged turain

im not worried about my friends
i dont care whether or not the rumors are true
im not anxious to visit

im feeling really good about the 4000 from berklee
that will surely be enough that i can attend
no worries

im not really disappointed that i didnt get to go to grandmas
comair pilots are real pilots
a computer glitch is a viable excuse

pinstripes rock
almost as much as forest fire
woot woot

chris and i get along well
its not all from my side
close, really close

so loved
not lonsome

how long till school starts?
lets go back
i heart school

Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: nat king cole

December 13th, 2004

03:08 pm: bei mir bis du shon
its monday the thirteenth. that meens tomorrow's tuesday the fourteenth. that means berklee audition. im so scared. pray for me. i want this so bad. i cant screw up. i have to be at my best and im still getting over being sick. and stressed, and angry, and hurt. its all still in the healing process so im not in the best health to perform. so pray for me. i need this. i have to go to berklee. i really dont have another option. pray for me. please. this is where god is leading me, i do believe.
so yeah that's where i'll be all day tomorrow. no school for candace. woot woot.
so forest fire is making me very angry. its so rude. if any of you vote for forestfire at battle i will personally destroy you. each of you. thaaaaanks.
so thats about all. i want to mutany. i want to quit the pinstripes and tc and csyo and the rockettes. i just want to curl up in a ball and die. be done with it. it'd be so much easier. butwhat eve.
pray for me

December 11th, 2004

09:43 pm: burning ember
so a few things happened today and yesterday that didnt totally uplift me but cheered me a bit. some made me realize i havent lost faith in humanity. i wasnt cut THAT deeply
last night my dad took 5 hours out of his much needed time to help me build my projectile. we worked on it till 2:30 in the morning. thats such a wonderful thing to do.he had so many other important things to do but he took all this time to help me. im so thankful that i have a father who is that fabulous.
second my mom helped me clean my gross room so im not miserable all the time and it was a good piece of work. how wonderful that both my parents are so beloved of their children to do all they can to help them.
finally-- and this is what showed me i havent entirely lost faith in humanity...
i got a letter all the way from Portugaul today. it was full of purely genuine apologies, much more honest than they have been before and i fully accepted them. it had a promise two. not unlike the ones i've received from these letters before that were broken and to no avail. but i realized that i fully am trusting in this promise. just as i had the others. though i probably shouldnt. i am. and i'll probably be hurt again. but i still have this overwhelming faith in human good.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: super chic[k]

December 9th, 2004

11:11 pm: grab your (----) and double click
for a fortnight or more my mood has certainly been nothing but down hill.
i cry almost every day.
if i've been a (w)itch i certainly pray you to be patient with me.
im going through a lot.
i beseach thee.
i've lately, unwillingly, accepted... and by accept i mean it was shoved violetnly and in huge portions down my throat, that people are not, indeed, as i had thought, good deep down. no.
they are horrible,
self interested

and i feel all the things honest and virtuous that i strove to uphold slipping away from me
im not even nice anymore

my life is ruined. i can never be joyous of humanity again.
the people i believed in
the things i thought true and good a pure
heinous falicies
dont even reply to this
i dont want to hear it
pray for me

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: nothing. music is empty now. thank you patci.

November 23rd, 2004

04:33 pm: wootwootwootwootwootwootwootwootwootwootwootwootwoot
you have no idea how excited candace is. she's going crazy. its gross. ya know why? caaaaaaause its almost thanksgiving and that's her favorite holiday evah!
so we're having tons of people over. not enough room in my house for all of them but some how we will defy the laws of physics... so we're going to have so much food that it will be obcene but we wont have any left overs cause we have to feed mass people which is sad but i'll live. well. maybe. yeah i will. so paul is supposed to bring me my pie plate today cause i made him pie, moons ago. but im not sure. he's so terribly dependable:/ so im way tired. and lonesome. then end. go pinstripes. battle of the bands 04! woot. farewell chillins. bye

Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: the crap on the radio

August 26th, 2004

03:00 pm: i love school...

father God, bless us all.

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: baroque
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